Tuberose

I finally got layed--pardon me, I mean lei-ed. It was the sweetest thing. There is this too cute lady I work with and on my last day with her at Pier 1 she bought me a lei. Two, in fact! One is created from this really sweet smelling white flower called tuberose and one is made of tea leaf and is supposed to last forever because they dry really well. I was so honored to wear them. I had to stop myself from tearing up for the first half hour after she placed them around my neck. To show you how naive I am, I thought that when I got off the plane in Maui there was a good chance that there might be Hawaiian hula dancers waiting to place multitudes of leis over my head, but no such luck. Despite the absence of the Fantasy Island welcome, I wasn't worried. I was still happy to be here.

In my two months of being here, the ever so lovely and fragrant leis have eluded me. I would see them sometimes at the grocery store and want to buy one just to wear it and smell it, but what's the fun in that? I can't lei myself (hey, this is a family blog so keep it clean folks). I would also see flower shop advertisements selling gorgeously extravagant leis I could almost smell off the page and I wanted one so very badly. I never indulged because it seemed inauthentic somehow to purchase one for myself.

Anyhow, the store manager is a Jehovah's Witness and half of the employees of the store are Jehovah's Witnesses. To be truthful, if the kindness of these people is any indication of their religious teachings, I am halfway on my way to becoming a Jehovah's Witness myself. No, seriously though, they have been unbelievably warm, friendly and fun. Norma Jean in particular is the sweetest, kindest, most patient and generous person I have known in a long time. Customers I want to behead I just send to Norma Jean and they always end up happy in addition to having compliments on her customer service. So when she presented me with the leis I was so very touched both because it was something I had wanted ever since I landed in Hawaii, and because it is a symbol of the affection she has for me. What more can a girl ask for? I've got my beautiful leis and a spot in the heart of extremely wonderful people.

Conked Out

I got on the bus on my way to work and sat next to the cutest little keiki (child). He was about 4 years old and very rambunctious, but he seemed a little more harmless than all of my other bus fellows so I sat next to him. Mind you, I had been napping on the previous bus and was planning to nap on this one, so maybe that wasn't the best decision. While this brown eyed imp was entertaining himself in any one of a million ways, I shut my eyes leaned my head back and fell into a lull. Not five minutes later I feel a little head fall on my arm. He had fallen asleep! On me, no less. I swear a second ago he couldn't decide if he wanted to ride the bus standing up or sitting down and here he was conked out! He was so adorable, though. It just warmed my little heart to have him fall asleep on me.

After a period of warm fuzzies, I conked out too. So here we were, a pair of narcoleptic bus passengers asleep beside each other. I didn't want to wake him so I moved very little, but even if I did move this kid wasn't waking up for World War III. I would rouse temporarily to see where I was so I didn't miss my stop and I would wake up to the stares and smiles of the other bus passengers. I was sad when my bus stop came. I didn't want to leave my napping buddy. I thought about Elizabeth Smart-ing the kid but there were too many witnesses.

MY Maui

As I have only thirteen days left on Maui I have taken to reflecting on my time here. I wouldn't say I have had the average tourist experience but one just as good, if not better. I haven't stayed at the Four Seasons in Wailea but I have stayed at the Happy Valley Hale Hostel. I haven't taken a bike ride down the side of a volcano, but I have ridden Cheryl down the hill, past The Queen, and onto Dairy Road on the way to work. I may not have been to Little Beach or Big Beach, but I have been to no name beaches that calmed my spirit as I stared into their salty horizons. I have seen the beach calm, moody, clear, and cloudy and been both scared and soothed by waves that sometimes literally took my breath away.

I have seen windsurfers tackle waves with an abandon I'm not sure I could ever muster. I have been astonished at the beautiful machinations of the human body as I observe water lovers in their various sports. I once saw a conoe competition when I was waiting for the bus in Kihei. The enthusiasm for the vast unconquerable ocean, that on occasion will allow itself to be tamed, was contagious.

I have passed fragrant trees with flowers in bloom on my morning jog into the lush 'Iao Valley and I have hiked up to and gaped at Needle Point. There is a part on the path of the Wailuku Loop at which the bus comes around a curve and up over a hill and all of a sudden you are overlooking all of the various blues of the ocean that go on forever. I always become reverent at the sight. I wouldn't have thought to find a transcendent moment on a bus, but I take them where I can get them these days. And that is my Maui.

I'm not the greatest poet, but here is my Ode to Maui, a compilation of all my favorite things Maui has given me in the past two months:

Butter cream skinned people
shades of warm brown
Long hang down hair
dashed with the sun

Giving trees
fruit and fragrance
Shade, sounds and life
lushly vibrant beckonings

Ocean softly assaulting
your senses
Feel it sing and move
around you

Wet air laying heavy
slowly bringing ukelele strummings
to your half listening ear
being teased by sound and breeze

Flip-flops for hot feet
and
Skin

Mahalo

Animal Magnetism

Retail is not for misanthropes or the faint of heart. If there were an alien invasion an the newcomers wanted to find out about the human race, a retail store isn't necessarily the face I would choose to submit in presenting the best attributes of our kind. People can be demanding, entitled, disrespectful and generally unbearable. However, there are gems to be found in dealing with the public, like the gay guy that bought a chair from me and just had to kiss my cheek in farewell after giving him a deal. In addition, there is always comfort to be found in commiserating with co-workers about that customer that you're sure needs to be on some medication or already is because no normal person in their right mind would act like that in public.

The real miracle is seeing a co-worker be extremely patient with a customer you really would have back-handed five times already. There is a girl I work with who surely deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for the people that she has dealt with. I sincerely cannot fathom having that level of tolerance. I get to a point where you're gonna get a New York attitude if 5.2 seconds if I don't hear a please or thank you in the immediate future, but this girl she handles these situations so well that I watch her in open-mouthed awe quite frequently. I've had to realize that some people are born for retail and I'm just not one of them. The funny thing is, this girl is like a magnet for the high maintenance client. They just find her in a store of like five employees. It's some type of animal magnetism.

I, on the other hand, vaccilate between feeling that Dante should have covered retail in his Inferno (he obviously wasn't selling Payless Italian Shoes during the holidays or it for sure would have been included) and feeling delighted that I get to meet some really wonderful people. I had a caterer from Cancun, Mexico (hubba hubba) who was so trusting in my opinion of the perfect placemat for his event that I had to giggle, given my "expertise" at placemat-ing. In short, I couldn't be more ambivalent in my regard of retail. I guess I'll take the good, the bad, and the just plain outrageous (i.e. New Yorkers who have to have their media stand right now when it's in the warehouse on the mainland).

Scarry Larry

I have a scary drugee stalker. Does anyone have connections in Maui for me to get him "roughed up"? Given, the last situation was partly my fault. I was naked. Here's the deal. To get to and from the shower you kind of have to walk around the building to the back of the Healing Center. Now, I have an aversion to getting dressed in the same room I take a shower in. Even on the mainland I always wondered how people did this. I guess it's because I take such hot showers the bathroom is muggy and when I put clothes on they stick to me and I start to sweat making me feel like it was useless taking a shower.

Well, last night post-shower when the Healing Center was closed for business and all the lights were off, I walked from the bathroom in just my towel because it was dark and I figured no one would be able to see me. Before I entered the front door of the Healing Center and proceeded onwards to my room, I saw a person in a football jersey afar off. I thought nothing of it, went inside and left the front door unlocked because you need two hands to lock it and mine were full. I closed my bedroom door and started my nightly ritual. I hear the front door open and close. Then I hear a knock on my door. I yell "Don't come in! I'm naked!" because I wouldn't want to scar whoever was on the other side of the door for life. I'm thinking The Yogi (my housemate) needs something.

Regardless, I hear my doorknob rattle and I thank God that I had the sense to lock it. At this point I'm thinking to myself, "The Yogi must have an emergency on her hands." In my towel, because The Yogi is a girl and has all the same equipment I do, I crack the door and what do I see? My drugee stalker wearing a football jersey staring at me from the hallway. By the way, he does have this nickname for a reason.

I was so shocked I said, "I think you'd better leave" and I closed the door to my bedroom and made sure it was locked. Luckily (and by luckily I mean by the grace of God), I heard the front door open and close again. I hurried and got dressed and went to make sure the front door was locked this time. He was outside and pointed to his wrist indicating he wanted me to tell him the time, but I just turned away like I didn't see him and went back to my room. Scary Larry! I know I should not be galavanting around in a towel late at night, but I got so scared I was angry!!

I wish I had my brothers Big J, Middle J, and Little J here to go kick some drugee stalker butt! Or at least my brother-in-law, The Bodybuilder. Or some mace. I was thinking about starting a "Special" Bodyguard Task Force. Our motto would be "We try to leave them alive . . . " But I think there's no way to tell if you're beating someone up for legitimate reasons. You're just going on one person's word. For all you know my drugee stalker could be Mr. Rogers' bosom buddy. Maybe that's a bad example. He was creepy, too.

Odd Hours

I'm bonfide. I have an official Hawaii State Public Library Card--read it and weep folks. Not that the Wailuku Library is anything to write home about. I'll admit it, I'm a library snob. I volunteered for two years giving tours of the Salt Lake City Public Library because the architecture alone was phenomenal, not to mention the art gallery on the third floor and the media center on the second. Alright, alright, I'm a spoiled brat.

Anywho, I went in looking for Dean Koontz' latest, Odd Hours. I'm already on chapter thirteen due to there being a Borders bookstore by my work. Because of the reliablility of the public transportation system, I am always ridiculously early just to be safe. I use this time to covertly read this particular book (having already read the first 3 books in the series and loved them) that I have yet to purchase. It's my way of sticking it to the man! Truth be known, I'm really just broke.

Besides, I'm really tired of reading smart and spiritual and good-for-you books. The last four books I have read have been really powerful works of non-fiction: The Power of Now (currently), Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver, Eat Love Pray, and Skinny Bitch (promotes vegan lifestyle). I mean really, I'm overdosed on good advice and political awareness. Give me a Stephanie Meyer or Phillipa Gregory on the double before I become catatonic. I am desperate enough to take a Danielle Steele! Well, maybe not that desperate . . . yet.

All the more reason to rejoice in a library card. They didn't have Odd Hours of course, so I will have to continue my secret and systematic reading of "the contraband". I did, however, walk away with Robin Cook's latest. Looks like that little Wailuku Branch has a few treasures up its antequated sleeves after all. I'm ready for some honest-to-goodness entertainment. To Robin Cook and Diana Gabaldon I say, "Bring it!"

Bus Drivers

I love the bus system in Maui. The two buses I ride are free, and the others are $1. That's pretty awesome. I have a favorite bus driver that is Hawaiian and very loud. He's also quite charismatic and I always enjoy riding his bus because every time you get on or off the bus he says "Watch your step!" like we've never ridden the bus before and he gives a speech about no food or drink being allowed on his bus that always ends with "Much Mahalos" or "many thanks". He has been known to spontaneously start a conversation with anyone. He's the jovial type and has long hair down his back which is against the dress code but I guess they made a special exception for him. It suits him.

My other favorite bus driver might be a transvestite. All appearances suggest this particular bus driver is a female: long hair, flower behind the ear, long manicured nails, and attitude enough for RuPaul. The falsetto voice is too false, though, and the long lean muscularity is a type I rarely see in females. I have also overheard other passengers ask her about her "partner". The jig is up. I have launched a full scale undercover operation whose first item of business is to find out if she has an adam's apple. Either way she's still one of my favorites. The other day the smelliest transient got on the bus and we were all discreetly trying in our different ways to cope with the odor. When he got off she yelled "Does anyone have any perfume?! Please use it now because I'm tired of breathing through my mouth!" That's why she's a fave.

The last bus driver I like is a big Hawaiian lady with two toned very short hair, blond on top and brown on the bottom. She's kinda surly, actually, and is a Nazi with anyone under the age of 17. She likes to give youngsters a hard time by pointing out that there are cameras on the bus and warning them that if they put grafitti on the bus anywhere they WILL be caught. In addition, she likes to repeatedly tell them to keep their feet off the seats, and give them long eagle-eye stares that keep them in line. It actually works, the teens don't really cross her. Neither do I.

Of course there are the regular bored out of their mind bus drivers, but this is a list of the cream of the crop. At the very least, it's entertainment when I'm not in the mood to read Eckhart. I appreciate the diversion and hope you do too.