Bus Drivers

I love the bus system in Maui. The two buses I ride are free, and the others are $1. That's pretty awesome. I have a favorite bus driver that is Hawaiian and very loud. He's also quite charismatic and I always enjoy riding his bus because every time you get on or off the bus he says "Watch your step!" like we've never ridden the bus before and he gives a speech about no food or drink being allowed on his bus that always ends with "Much Mahalos" or "many thanks". He has been known to spontaneously start a conversation with anyone. He's the jovial type and has long hair down his back which is against the dress code but I guess they made a special exception for him. It suits him.

My other favorite bus driver might be a transvestite. All appearances suggest this particular bus driver is a female: long hair, flower behind the ear, long manicured nails, and attitude enough for RuPaul. The falsetto voice is too false, though, and the long lean muscularity is a type I rarely see in females. I have also overheard other passengers ask her about her "partner". The jig is up. I have launched a full scale undercover operation whose first item of business is to find out if she has an adam's apple. Either way she's still one of my favorites. The other day the smelliest transient got on the bus and we were all discreetly trying in our different ways to cope with the odor. When he got off she yelled "Does anyone have any perfume?! Please use it now because I'm tired of breathing through my mouth!" That's why she's a fave.

The last bus driver I like is a big Hawaiian lady with two toned very short hair, blond on top and brown on the bottom. She's kinda surly, actually, and is a Nazi with anyone under the age of 17. She likes to give youngsters a hard time by pointing out that there are cameras on the bus and warning them that if they put grafitti on the bus anywhere they WILL be caught. In addition, she likes to repeatedly tell them to keep their feet off the seats, and give them long eagle-eye stares that keep them in line. It actually works, the teens don't really cross her. Neither do I.

Of course there are the regular bored out of their mind bus drivers, but this is a list of the cream of the crop. At the very least, it's entertainment when I'm not in the mood to read Eckhart. I appreciate the diversion and hope you do too.